Jail by regs - 8/7/10 @ 5:19PM PDT#

Sup guys, I am writing this from jail. I am currently in jail on Drug and Firearm charges. I am not sure why I am here, all I know is that I ate a bunch of mushrooms and next thing I know I am here.

Jail isn't so bad though, we have cable, warm beds, weed and internet. I might just stay here a little bit longer but idk.

Welcome to 99chan.in by lolbifrons - 8/3/10 @ 3:36PM PDT#

We here at 99chan believe we know that it is better to scale magnetically than to iterate magnetically. Think e-business. If all of this sounds marvelous to you, that's because it is! What does it really mean to enhance "magnetically"? The metrics for convergence are more well-understood if they are not turn-key. We will incubate the capability of e-markets to benchmark. The power to seize proactively leads to the aptitude to architect iteravely. The metrics for re-purposing are more well-understood if they are not e-business. If all of this seems remarkable to you, that's because it is! The bandwidth factor can be summed up in one word: customer-directed. We think that most cross-media entry pages use far too much ActionScript, and not enough PNG. We will scale the commonly-accepted term "60/60/24/7/365". We will extend our capability to revolutionize without decreasing our capacity to unleash.

99chan has permanently altered the abstraction of B2C process management. Imagine a combination of Rails and HTTP. Think super-infinitely reconfigurable. The social-network-based cyber-e-commerce factor is scalable. What does the term "technologies" really mean? Our technology takes the best aspects of WAP and J2EE. Think ultra-cyber-affiliate-based. Think super-clicks-and-mortar. Our technology takes the best features of ASP and Perl. We will implement the power of models to monetize.

99chan has revolutionized the idea of granular 24/7/365, co-branded C2C. What does the jargon-based industry jargon "web-readiness" really mean? Quick: do you have a granular plan for dealing with emerging TQC metrics? What does the term "leading-edge" really mean? The re-purposing factor can be summed up in one word: seamless, granular, one-to-one. We have proven we know that it is better to deploy holistically than to incubate virally. Quick: do you have a collaborative, user-defined scheme for handling emerging users? A company that can generate faithfully will (at some indefinite point of time in the future) be able to e-enable correctly. Think vertical. Think reconfigurable. Think subscriber-defined. But don't think all three at the same time. We will mesh the power of schemas to matrix. The infomediaries factor can be summed up in one word: social-network-based.

TV by sundevil - 7/18/10 @ 3:19PM PDT#

99Chan has been sold to OmniConsumer Products. We hope that this transition will go smoothly. The entire staff would like to thank you for you dedication and loyalty! In the meantime, checkout the TV link to iChan on the side menu, it's a little link sharing experiment we are trying out.

OmniConsumer Products Corporation is a leader in many market segments including, Consumer products, Space exploration, Urban Pacification Tools, Military grade weaponry, Food products, Private government, and E-Business. Please feel free to send your questions and concerns to a helpful OCP Public Relations Officer: publicrelations@ocp-pr.com OCP WEB PORTAL

WEBMASTER by sundevil - 7/8/10 @ 5:49PM PDT#

WEBMANCY

Domain by oh - 6/26/10 @ 1:12PM PDT#

Our old domain got stolen, so please use 99chan.in from now on. We have no control over where 99chan.org points. All @99chan.org e-mails were also stolen.

Update: Some posts are going through twice. This is because some of you are still using the .org domain to post. Update your bookmarks to 99chan.in.

Happy [belated] Birthday Again by regs - 6/22/10 @ 5:28PM PDT#

So as of June 14 we are 2 years old. The past year was even crazier than the first. Here are some more numbers.

99chan by the numbers
DDOS Attacks: 23
DMCA Takedown Notices: 922
Webhosts: 1
Domain Hijacks: 2
Pissed off parents: 42
Users Banned: 29,621
Times gununu has been banned: 1812
Users in jail: 7
Disk Space used: 94.98 GB
Wordfilters: 43
Time Regs hasn't been high in the past year: N/A
Internal sabotoge attempts: 3
Suicide Attempts: 5
Staff Members Dead: 1
Actual Court Documents served: 3

awe yea

Assassin by regs - 6/21/10 @ 11:17AM PDT#

GUYS, I HAVE SUMTHING 2 ADMIT. I AM AN ASSASSIN. A REAL LIFE FUCKING NINJA. I TAKE ORDERS FROM WHOMEVER PAYS ME AND DO WHATEVER IT TAKEZ 2 GET TEH JOB DONE. IF YOU NEED SUM 1 ASSASSINATED THEN U CAN TALK 2 ME.

ALSO DEAD PPL MAKE BAD WITNESSES N UR COUSIN AND OR BROTHER JUS GOT SHOT, POP POP POP

Unnatural Selection by ATG - 6/5/10 @ 5:10PM PDT#

Hey, so we're cleaning up the boards again. The following are being considered for deletion:
/hax/
/hr/
/move/
/olympics/
/radio/

So, if you want to save some of the content, now is the time to do it. If you'd like any of these boards kept, pm ATG on IRC. I might not see it right away, but I'll see it.

I saw that shit. /radio/ and /hr/ remain. -atg

FOUND by sundevil - 2/11/10 @ 1:44PM PST#

HAITIANS EVERYWHERE by sundevil - 2/3/10 @ 11:14AM PST#

Donate at 99moreyears@gmail.com via paypal. For your troubles you can have a unique tripcode, and a personalized token, or nothing at all if you wish to remain anonymous. Thanks!

IRC by sundevil - 1/12/10 @ 6:40PM PST#

IRC server caught on fire and physically melted, it's hot guts burning a hole through the datacenter floor like the Alien blood through the decks of the Nostromo. It will be a bit before we come back online. Apologies for the delay. Your humble servant - Sundevil

wat by gray - 1/11/10 @ 10:55AM PST#

Temporary IRC: IRC.freechan.org #99chan

STAY IN YOUR HOME CITIZEN Do not know why ours is down. We'll get our shit together sooner or later. - gray Everything is fine. Daddy didn't mean it.

rutroh by regs - 12/15/09 @ 6:32PM PST#

lol sorry guys, i fucked up, no more wiki or cake =|

sawp by regs - 11/18/09 @ 10:44AM PST#

So we did some stuff around the site. Not sure if you notice but we did. Also working on methods of trying to improve the site. We've also been monitoring the board request thread in /tttm/ and have implemented a few of the boards suggested, I would like to add more but we're going to need some moderators to fill in the roll for those boards. This moderation team will be a second shift so to speak for our current mods. If you're interested please contact me with the board you're suggesting we implement and why you would make a good mod. Please for fucks sake no resumes.

also /regs/ is back on this server (so no more cp)

lag by ATG - 9/21/09 @ 5:10AM PDT#

I'm dicking with the backup system, so the site may lag a bit this morning. It won't take more than a couple hours, so please refrain from panicking about the surely-it's-a-DDOS on IRC. Edit: Lag is all done for now :)

CP by sundevil - 8/30/09 @ 1:02PM PDT#

Happy Birthday Tucker

Stuff by oh - 8/28/09 @ 10:32AM PDT#

The lovely folks at Jabcomix sent our host a DMCA takedown notice for some content on /do/. Even though the content was removed in a timely fashion, our host is a bunch of incompetent morons great guys and got our site running again in a week!

IRC by ATG - 8/18/09 @ 10:21PM PDT#

http://99chan.org/irc/
Now you have no excuse.

Donations by regs - 7/27/09 @ 11:03AM PDT#

Hey, sun just told me that we need donations, like bad. The bill is a few hundred dollars and we need your help or we're going to not exist, and we're not really interested in spamming the site with shitty ads.

So please, donate 99moreyears@gmail.com (paypal dude) or get in touch with one of the admins on irc or by emailing one of us.

If you donate $20 or more you'll receive an autographed item of mine (pubes, used condom, drugs etc) So far we have about $27, so we're a little short we're just about there guys, keep 'em coming :3. Also if you're bored and can't seem to get off to our pornoboards check out/upload to pussychan, I have been uploading some rather nice greasy videos ;3

وفي وقت لاحق اﻷشخاص ثري إم by regs - 7/3/09 @ 6:40PM PDT#

99 شان قد بيعت. نحن بيعت منه حوالي 99 منظمة إرهابية العذارى (انظر هناك ماذا فعلنا) وجميع النفط يمكننا أبدا بحاجة إليها. ويبدو أنها وضعت شيئا هذا الضرب من يريد الذهاب الى موقع لاستغلال مصادرنا أن تفعل ذلك. نحن مع أي تهدئة لأن له نحن مع كل من رائعة المراس باغتصاب العذارى لنا وكذلك بيع قطع من السوبر غنية منا مبالغ كبيرة من النفط الخام.

Happy [belated] Birthday by regs - 6/24/09 @ 6:30PM PDT#

So as of June 14 we are 1 year old, it has been quite an eventful year filled with many suprises and road blocks. To celebrate our birthday we have composed a small statistical list for you guys.

99chan by the numbers
DDOS Attacks: 5
DMCA Takedown Notices: 472
Webhosts: 2
Domain Hijacks: 4
Pissed off parents: 11
Users Banned: 19,452
Times gununu has been banned: 512
Users in jail: 2
Disk Space used: 79.54GB
Wordfilters: 43
Number of times oh has flipped out: 9,073
Stump pictures: 7
Anus pictures: 3
Time Regs hasn't been high in the past year: Approx 45 minutes
Internal sabotoge attempts: 2
Suicide Attempts: 1 (we can do better than this)
Chicken Digger Record Drops: 13
Staff Members Dead: 4
Sex Changes: 3
Times Michael Jackson died: 1

What a year it has been, here is to another year of us going strong.

Paisley, Retard Strength and my balls possibly being set on fire by regs - 6/6/09 @ 7:34PM PDT#

Well, due to popular demand we have added the Paisley style to the style sheet selection, soon we'll be adding a few more styles.

Also Zimmy is bitching at me to remind you guys about /78chan/, so please for the love of god go there and do something so Zimmy won't go all retard strong and kill me.

Speaking of people killing me, sun said that if we don't reach the server bill he's going to light my dick on fire and burn off my jewfro, or maybe it's the other way around... either way donate 99moreyears@gmail.com

78chan lives again by oh - 6/4/09 @ 10:35PM PDT#

Greetings,

Yours truly stayed up all night slaving over a filthy computer to create this: 78chan RESTORED. Unfortunately, the images could not be restored. If you don't know what 78chan was, please step forward to be castrated and banned.

~Toodles

before we're taken down and waterboarded by regs - 5/26/09 @ 7:04PM PDT#

Hello, as you can see below we're obviously getting to something big here, so the governments might try to cover stuff up, don't be fooled!

To combat this we made /regs/, this of this board as another /b/ except without any bullshit, we have a no dicks policy on the board so please take that into account.

Also, just so I stop getting emails about it, we made you a /mu/.

Now, I gotta go because big brother is about to triangulate on my signal.

Organization by lolbifrons - 4/26/09 @ 9:33PM PDT#

As you can see, the boards have all been reorganized into (hopefully) intuitive categories. Enjoy.

Mental Health ha ha as if we know anything about it by Actual - 4/25/09 @ 8:01PM PDT#

/mind/ - because all your emo wailing is cluttering up various of the other boards.

Go craz- I.. I mean "I hope you find the board useful".

HUH? by sundevil - 4/7/09 @ 12:15PM PDT#

WTF JUST HAPPEN?

(Kind of) new boards by lolbifrons - 3/9/09 @ 3:03PM PDT#

So yeah, as many of you may have noticed, I recently went about creating two new boards, as well as adding two new moderators specific to said boards. These boards are /c/ - Craftwork and Artisanship and /q/ - Combat and Martial Arts. Enjoy being /c/unts and /q/ueers.

Nothing exciting by oh - 2/12/09 @ 2:21PM PST#

99chan is currently running a beta version of Serissa. If you encounter any bugs make sure to report them in /tttm/. Otherwise, things should be a lot faster with a 400k drop in memory usage.